Time Goes By
by Rain611
Summary: Oneshot. Eric Mathews' last thoughts in Saw 4. I don't own Saw or any characters within this story. Please review.


**Nothing matters anymore. **

**Not the countless bodies bloodied and gored. **

**Not the old man or the traps. **

**Not even the chain around my neck or the cast on my battered ankle. **

**Nothing matters...except for him.**

I've never been a perfect man. And it looks like I'll never get the chance to be. It's a funny thing really. You spend a large chunk of your life despising someone for everything they are and stand for...and then you realize that he's actually taught you something. But it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing does. Everything that ever was or will be now rests with the fate of a ticking clock.

Thoughts swirl through my head like clouds in a hurricane as I think back to the past, pausing only to catch my breath. It was fine. Everything was perfect until I joined the case. I didn't even want anything to do with it in the beginning. Not until he took Daniel...then it got personal. I know now however, that it shouldn't have taken this long to realize the importance...the significance of seeing a part of yourself so close.

I remember the disconnection. It happened during the divorce. I knew I was losing a wife...to hell with her. I never thought I'd lose my son. The look in his face...the last time I saw him. I should've tried harder to save what was left. I tried. But it was too late. And so he left...back to his life as it was...or so I thought. Until I got pulled even further into Jigsaw's world and I saw what was happening. Daniel was taken. A victim, just like everyone else. I wasn't perfect. But that was no reason to take my son. Time goes by.

I was told the rules of my game in a way not unlike the others. It was simple enough; Sit still and listen. Sounds simple enough, right? Right...until you're thrown into a world of unseen lashings and everything you ever were, everything you ever felt is suddenly bleeding out into the world. All the while you are powerless to do anything. I had to stay strong for him...but the tears still fell. And time passed. Ages. Still no answer.

I lost it...but I thought it was for a good reason. It was for the best of reasons there could have been. I know what you're thinking. It could've been handled differently. But that's a lie. He took a part of me...a part any parent never hopes to lose. A part that they would cry for, a part that they would fight for, kill for...die for. And so I fought and found the house, along with the macabre that was Jigsaw's victims who had died from the gas. If I was paying attention, I would've noticed something else...But I continued. I needed to find him.

My feet are numb, the ice now slowly transforming what is left of me into what I once was. It gets harder to breathe as the ice melts. The chain pulls angrily at my neck, now bruised and sore. I look down at my fellow detective as I ponder my next move. And then I jump. This has to end. But it doesn't. The third lifts me back onto the ice...but why? I am no importance to him, nor is he to me as I stand here forced to face both the past and the future. I look at the clock and begin to breathe again, waiting for the clock to hit zero. And my mind races again.

I ran through the dimly lit hallways and heard nothing but my own voice as it echoed from the walls surrounding me. And every time I heard myself the feeling sunk deeper. I was never going to see him again. But I continued...there is always a chance. And then I see it; The bathroom. It's dark, but the smell is rancid. Everything about this place was ominous...but I had to continue. I inched my way through the room and my heart began to race as I saw a hand on the rim of the tub. But when I got there it wasn't him, and all was black.

I woke and my head was splitting. Ahead of me was my flashlight and also my gun. But I didn't start losing it again until I realized that I was stuck here; My ankle shackled as if I was some rabid animal. I was back in a place where I didn't want to be. It wasn't just the darkness. It wasn't the captivity. It was the thought of being alone with myself. The thought of having to die as I lay weary and think of the past. But it wasn't the end. It couldn't be. I was fighting wasn't just fighting for me.

I drift back into reality as I attempt once more to free myself. I hang and it hurts, but this pain is only physical...it will pass as the time does. So he comes to wake me up and I stop him. And it works...but not for long. He places me back on the block of ice. And he hands me a gun. Someone is coming through the door. Time goes by.

I took the toilet lid and hesitated. I knew it would hurt but I had no choice. Before I knew it I brought the lid down. With a sickening crack my bones began to break and my soul poured out. Again and again the pain comes in waves. But I'm still not done. And I finally break. I pull free, broken and bleeding, and I begin my journey to look for him once more. It was just a slight delay; I may've still had time. I felt the stickiness of foul blood on the floor and I drug my weakened body to the door. And at last there was light. I heard myself calling for him again.

I pulled myself to a standing position and lightening bolts shot up and down my leg...they matched the pain that I felt in my soul. But I still couldn't give up. Not even when I found her. Yet another battle ensued, and for the most part it's gone now. There was darkness. Blood. And more pain. Finally, my body failed me once again and my mind went black...I woke to find myself in hell. While my body began to get better, my mind began to ill. I lost myself in the small cell, demoralized by the prison like jumpsuit given to me, and I faded. My mind was gone.

Time is running out. Less than a minute remains now and there is movement all around the room. One sits helplessly to my left as the other runs for a switch. It will grant our freedom when the clock hits zero. But that's not good enough. I need to find Daniel. My demands fall on deaf ears as he continues to watch the monitors. He is panicking...pacing. Something is wrong. I look to the door and I see him. Rigg can't come through. I have been given the tools to save myself. I have to do it alone. I see the clock from the corner of my eye...and all is black again.


End file.
